HOW TWO VALLEY MEDIA PROS FOUND THEIR NEW OFFSPRING

. . .OVERSEAS

By Dorothy Brotherton

FROM THE STREETS OF CALCUTTA

“My name is Tara Guddi O’Sullivan,” she says proudly. A few months ago, fending for herself on the streets of Kolkata (Calcutta), she called herself merely “Guddi,” and her name was nearly all she could remember.

The child, believed to be about four-and-a-half years old, was taken to an orphanage. Friends connected the dots between her and a Canadian couple seeking a child to adopt: Mohini Singh and her husband Finbar O’Sullivan of Kelowna.

Her new name, Tara, means “star” in Hindi, (Mohini’s background.) In her father’s native dialect, Gaelic, Tara means “top of the mountain with insurmountable view.”

No one knows how she spent her early years, and how long she survived on the streets before a 10-month stint in the orphanage ushered her into a new life in Canada.

As Tara learns to trust her new parents, and as language skills increase — she speaks Bengali, Mohini speaks Hindi and Finbar speaks English — a few early memories drift out. Tara seems to have pasted her new Mommy and Daddy’s faces onto the vague figures in her memories. She asked Mohini, “Do you remember our tiny house?”

“Who lived there?” asked Mohini.

“You and me and Baba (Daddy,)”
she replied.

Once she told Mohini, “We had a baby — remember?” and showed skill beyond her years in handling a friend’s baby. She also speaks of rats, lot of rats, and one particular rat that bit her toe.

Mohini and Finbar know there will be challenges in raising Tara, and the scars of early years may take much time and love to heal. She came with special medical needs caused by early lack of hygiene. But they know the joy is worth the effort.

Mohini grew up in India, and immigrated to Canada at age 23. She studied broadcast journalism at the B.C. Institute of Technology and got a job at CHBC in 1989, where she’s been ever since. Mohini learned to love the Okanagan and call it home. Her television interviews send her roaming the Valley, and getting into people’s lives and causes. She tries to go “beyond the story.” Once she covered a story about North Okanagan man who lost both arms to a pit-bull attack. She and a friend set up a trust fund for him and raised $17,000.

Mohini found herself taking speaking engagements at service clubs and in schools to promote anti-racism and cultural understanding, “trying to build bridges between cultures.”

In 2001, at age 40, she married Finbar, an immigrant from Ireland, who works at Trades Okanagan. “We’d been friends for about 10 years. You know how it is — suddenly you look at a friend and it’s, ‘Ohhh!’” Mohini adds philosophically, “Friendship is a great way to start a marriage — it makes a solid foundation.”

Soon they wanted a child. Finbarhas a son by a previous marriage, but both wanted a daughter. Because of her age and recent diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, Mohini didn’t think it wise to give birth. “Besides, we thought, we are so lucky, so blessed in Canada — we have so much. Why not spread it around? Why not choose a child who is already in the world, whom nobody wants?”

The brave little street-fighter they found is beautiful, smart, loving, fearless, and tackling her new culture like a trooper, including preschool, tobogganing and cross-country skiing. “Everything to her is a ‘wow,’” said Mohini.

The new mother’s biggest fear was that she wouldn’t be able to fully love a child who was not her own birth-child. Her answer is simple: “Yes, you can.”

Becoming a mother slowed Mohini down; she’s on parenting leave from CHBC until August. But she’ll continue volunteer work for the MS Society, an annual cancer society fundraiser, helping the Osoyoos desert centre and working with the Indo-Canadian community.

And she’ll make time for another of her loves — pottery. Mohini always dabbled in pottery. “I used to play the fool with it.” But when diagnosed with MS, she focused on pottery as art therapy. It gave her an inner peace, and she’s found a personal style — doing Indian art on clay.

Mainly her days are filled with “Garfield and Dora the Explorer,” as well as daily trips to the IGA to help Tara learn words for “mushrooms,” “apples,” “bread,” — new words each day.

It’s no surprise to anyone that Mohini was given the Community Spirit Award by Global National recently, or an anti-racism award by the Bahai community.

“My fridge is full. It’s time for me to do for someone else,” she said.

IN CHANGSHA

Tom Wilson, third in a line of generations of Tom Wilsons, wears a gold ring with three maple leaves given to him by his paternal grandfather. He had hoped to give it to his son someday.

But there will be no genetic Tom Wilson IV. “The dynasty of Toms ends with me. Three maple leaves, three Toms — maybe it was meant to be,” he said.

Tom feels a bit wistful about that. He had expected to have children, maybe a son, but it didn’t happen. It was hard on Tom and his wife, Colleen. “With time, though, the urge to be parents was stronger than the regret of not being able to produce a child together,” said Tom.

They signed up to adopt domestically, and sat on the waiting list for a year, with no end in sight. They found it’s not easy to adopt a young, healthy child in Canada. So they opted to get on the list for China, working through the Adoption Centre in Kelowna. More children are available in China and within seven months to a year they could expect to have a child. Paperwork was similar with the additional involvement of Citizenship and Immigration Canada, because when you adopt internationally, you sponsor the child for immigration.

On May 25, 2005, after less than a year of waiting, the Wilsons received a package which included a photo, a rough sketch of a child’s background and a single question: Will you accept this baby or do you want to try again?

Two months later, the Wilsons were on a plane with eight other adopting Canadian couples, headed for Changsha, China. On July 25, on the other side of the world, little Flora was placed in their arms. She was only 10 months old, although the average age when children from China find homes is 12 to 18 months.

Three months later, any misgivings about adopting that Tom may have felt were completely dissolved. He said, “I don’t think it’s possible to love a baby more than we love Flora. It would veer off into creepiness if we expressed any more love or played with her more than we do already.

“I have felt some pangs about the end of my genetic family line, but those ended soon after I was handed our wide-eyed daughter. I feel nothing but excitement about the possibilities for this new bud on the family tree.” He’s already making plans for her to wear his grandfather’s ring on a necklace.

Tom took parental leave from his job as city editor of the Kelowna Daily Courier to stay home with the baby, and that’s not as unique as it sounds. Of the eight couples who adopted with them, several other fathers planned to be primary caregivers.

“These babies need almost double teaming,” said Tom, explaining that in most cases the other spouse also works shorter hours or makes some arrangement to participate in the caregiving. The intense parenting pays off.

Flora had been one of 170 babies in an orphanage with only four to 10 caregivers. That means each caregiver had to look after 17 babies, and at times up to 42 babies. Nutrition had been poor and Flora had received next to no attention. Physically delayed, she could not crawl, roll over or hold a bottle.

After five months with Tom and Colleen, she could do all those things. “With proper nutrition and attention, the growth is on a steep curve,” said Tom, and like fathers everywhere he pointed out that Flora is exceptionally bright. Tom admits the schedule of caring for an infant is demanding, but “there is so much satisfaction and enjoyment.”

Colleen had just one word for the experience: “Beautiful.” As for Flora, the same word applies to her.

Read more about overseas adoption and don't miss the Best Restaurants awards in the May issue of Okanagan Life - on newstands now!